Building Rapport

Chris Harrison - January 2008
©2007 PlanetNLP Ltd

There are nearly as many books written on rapport as there are on the whole of NLP.

Many authors seem to believe that rapport is a panacea for all communication problems, for seduction, and for business success in general.

In the NLP community, you could say rapports stock value has been dropping steadily for the last few years, but it is a useful skill.

Rapport is simply about increasing the number of similarities between yourself and a client to allow them to relax and feel that you are like them.

Obviously we are only interested in elements that you have control over, but there are plenty of other elements that help rapport. For instance people of the same sex, religion, or race have a head start.

There are numerous ways to gain rapport with someone, and the following elements can all be matched:

The best way to improve your rapport skills is to pick one element and practice matching in situations where you can relax and are not having to concentrate on anything else. This could be a situation such as in a queue or on a train.

Simply try matching with a nearby stranger.

The easiest way to notice if you have achieved your goal is if they suddenly become aware of you.

And as with all NLP skill, the more you practice the better you will become.

Note on breath matching: If you're trying to match someone's breathing please do not stare at their chest!

Actually the best way to watch someone's breathing is to use your peripheral vision.

So sit or stand next to them and keep your eyes ahead.

You will find that you can spot the movement much more easily.

This is due to the fact that peripheral vision deals specifically with movement.

Generally you will find that particular elements you match will have a stronger effect and that some combinations are easier to use than others. Posture matching while matching breaking is a good combination to work on.

With practice you should find that rapport becomes automatic.