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Is it ethical to use NLP for Seduction?

Chris Harrison - January 2008
©2007 PlanetNLP Ltd

NLP has quite a mixed reputation.

As a model for change it is absolutely awesome.

Unfortunately (for its reputation) it is marketed and sold for purposes that many people find less appealing, such as persuasion, sales, marketing, and seduction.

In fact its quite difficult reading about NLP on the web without coming across references to the ominous Speed Seduction.

The reason that people are often uncomfortable with these uses is simple.

In all these applications it seems that NLP is used to persuade the 'client/victim' to take an action against their will or against their logical reasoning.

Many people believe that the limit of hypnosis is that the hypnotist cannot provoke their clients to do something that does not fit their morals and ethics, so where is the line with NLP and seduction?

There are a number of NLP techniques that are used for seduction; we'll split them into two groups for convenience.

Firstly, there are the changes an NLP practitioner can make to their own behavior such as improving their confidence and tone of voice, developing a state so that they are outgoing and charismatic around the people the are trying to 'impress', and improving their rapport skills.

Working on these things is about improving how you come across to others and is really no different to washing your hair and using a deodorant before you go out.

No one considers a bit of a wash and brush up manipulative.

The second group of skills are where we start to have issues:

Leading someone into a state where they are more receptive to your desires could be seen as manipulative, in that you are choosing the direction to lead the person in rather than just chatting about something interesting (or not), but for this to work well, it is necessary for the person to have access to the references you're referring to.

Some people would argue that choosing the direction the conversation takes is really no worse than allowing the conversation to drift randomly.

The old style Speed Seduction techniques use this kind of pacing and leading heavily.

There are many other techniques such as linking the feelings someone has for someone else to yourself, associating their current partner with negative feelings, and using time distortion to speed up the whole seduction process. These are obviously quite manipulative.

The biggest issue that I have with seduction using NLP is that if you're not just being yourself, but working with a script or with an outcome in mind, then how long can you keep that up?

Do you really feel that being yourself is that bad?I have met people who seem to be in the ‘NLP Zone’ all the time, and to be honest, they bore me to death - see The NLP Bores for more about them.

Unless you really are one of these people, at some point in the relationship you will tire of behaving out of character and revert to type.

Surely it would be better to just be the honest version of yourself in the first place.

Of course this issue only applies of you're looking for something more than a one-night stand.

If that is what you're looking for then maybe a handful of language patterns and a book on astrology is just what you need.

For a rather down-to-earth look at the seduction community, read "The Game" by Neil Strass.

I guess a worthwhile question to ask whenever you’re using NLP covertly is “Would I be in trouble or unhappy if the recipient of my communication knew what I was doing?